I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
