I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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