Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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