Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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