Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
