Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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