So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
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He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
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but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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