I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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