Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I did not marry a roomba.
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