Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
