I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
