bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
