Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
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