I smell stomach acid.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
