You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
