Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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