hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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