my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
