I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
