Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
