I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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