Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
