my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
