Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
