No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
