so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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