I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
