Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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