is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
