it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
