don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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