so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize