found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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