i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
