if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Terrible idea I love it
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
