and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
