turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize