You can't motorboat a personality
I am midnight drunk by noon
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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