Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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