Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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