There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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