I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
