I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
