It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
