No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
