State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
