Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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