i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
