He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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