I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
