i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
