im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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