No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
