My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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