Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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