Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
