Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
