I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
