margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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