when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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