I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
