she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
