I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
