Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
