can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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