Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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