I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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