I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize