Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize