I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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