He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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