I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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