Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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