i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
