Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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