I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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